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I just finished grading my Theatre Appreciation studentapos;s rewrites of their first play reviews. Some of these rewrites made me happy to be a teacher. You know, like the student who went from a 14 out of 25 to getting full points. Students like that make me feel like I wasnapos;t wasting my time�leaving comments and suggestions on the papers. Other students however... That is a whole different story.

It seems like the majority of the class assumes that I�
A.)� am stupid
B.) have never been a student
C.) donapos;t expect them to follow suggestions for improvement
D.) donapos;t actually read their papers OR
E.) all of the above

Isnapos;t it going to come as a surprise to them that all of these "answers" are wrong.�First,�I am not stupid. Second, I am a student, and therefore know all the little ways students fiddle with papers to make them seem longer. Next, I wouldnapos;t bother writing a�suggestion on a paper if I didnapos;t expect them to follow it. Finally, I do read their fucking papers, even though I�would much rather throw the majority of them away as utter crap. How�dumb do these students think I am?

While going through the rewrites, I was shocked to find that many of the students didnapos;t follow my suggestions at all, or only followed it where precisely indicated. For example, if I�write "avoid first person" in a paper and circle the first couple of uses of first person, I donapos;t mean just fix those. I guess I�incorrectly assumed that they would realize they needed to check their ENTIRE�paper. Guess I was wrong in that assumption. Lazy bastards. Also, if I�write "designerapos;s name?" I want them to include the actual name. Writing "the set designer" does not satisfy this requirement. Neither does referring to the set as "the furniture," "the location," or my personal favorite "the room" make it possible to avoid naming the designer if you no longer have the program to look it up. They are in a class with 350 other students. Someone will still have the program. Or they could look it up online. Or they could ask their TA or the professor. Fucking idiots. Next, if�I�say to�"try�to write 2 full pages," I donapos;t mean increasing the spacing�or font size so it looks like you wrote more than you did. I grade these papers with a paper of my own sitting right next to me. I can, and do, compare the two. This problem was so frequent with these rewrites that I am now to the point that I�donapos;t even have to compare to tell anymore. Bloody morons. Finally, if I write "a little vague" followed immediately by "can you be more specific?" I�mean I want more details. More details does not mean adding "very" to the sentence "The set was nice." I wrote on one girlapos;s rewrite "This is still REALLY vague. Can you describe any part of the set? Can you give any details that show that you actually saw the show? Your ticket stub isnapos;t enough." Wankers.

Oh, I nearly forgot, if I didnapos;t write a suggestion or, even better, wrote "good," you probably donapos;t want to change it. Especially when your "improvements" make the paper worse. I actually had one paper that went from okay to terrible. I didnapos;t even know how to grade it. I am so not drunk enough for this.

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